I shimmy to my seat next to the window. As long as I have one side that isn’t stranger I can stay sane. First things first, I snatch up my wee little pillow and blanket to make sure I have them. The blanket works well to cover my lap for some semblance of decency when I tuck my legs up underneath me while wearing a dress. I kick my duffel bag into its standard place at my feet. My flats get kicked off and I wedge them underneath my bag. Next I need to peel off my layers of jacket, scarf, sweater, and long sleeved shirt to tuck in at my side. Never mind if it is the middle of summer - these items of clothing serve as a pillow in place of the airline one that is the size of a breath mint. Plus they are that much less weight in my dangerously close to the weight limit suitcase. My travel policy is to wear several more layers than your standard bag lady in the middle of winter.
I hold my breath until I see who sits down next to me. “Please not a creepy, fat, smelly man. Please not a creepy, fat, smelly man.” I’ve been next to screaming infants, a vomiting toddler, and a six year old who had been traveling for the prior 12 hours with only intermittent naps but for some reason I dread the “creepy, fat, and smelly man” the most. I blame the trip back from Ireland where the man sitting behind me looked just like the rapist in the movie I was watching. That was one trip I had a sore neck from glances over my shoulder and not the awkward angle napping. I can plan everything but I know I cannot plan this. Still, I figure a few prayers won’t hurt anything. Does God have more important worries than if my right side smells like B.O. from sitting next to Captain Hygiene for eight hours? Obviously, but I put a word in just in case there is a slow moment.
While I await my neighbor-fate I go about arranging everything I have planned. Puzzle book, iPod, magazine, and two books are slid out of my duffle bag’s side pocket and stacked on the top of my bag. The planning of airplane books is critical. I always bring one book of a frightening length that looks like the reading of it will be a serious labor. A good guideline is if it is too heavy to hold up for bathtub reading. That is the size book I need for eight hours in the air. Somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic I need to have a serious interest in the protagonists’ life and enough pages to get me over the million more miles to go. My second book choice is something “fluffy.” It might be a quick read but it probably has comedic value and something in it that will redeem my mid-flight feelings of hatred toward everyone else on the plane. Selection of the puzzle book is also crucial. Never make the mistake of thinking you can write your sudoku or fill-it-in numbers into those little boxes in the middle of turbulence. If you want to write in it on a plane, go for the Gramma books. If the front cover doesn’t say “LARGE PRINT” in letters larger than two inches - step away. A bump will happen and that four will end up taking up three boxes, it is more or less guaranteed. Another important consideration in the selection of puzzles is neighbor elbows. The magazine is there for something to read while you wait to catch a flight attendant. It is whatever crap women’s magazine they sold at the airport. I don’t have the patience to wait for someone to walk by but I am incapable of not shutting the world around me out if I have a good book. Magazines are also great for when you need daydream time.
The final step in a happy flight is to fish out whatever food I have smuggled. I know better than to rely on the cat food the airlines love to serve (I’m looking at you Aer Lingus). I have successfully smuggled a ridiculous variety of food. Whether it was Irish flapjacks, gourmet German chocolates, or Russian crackers I have always managed to sneak something in my bag to ward off hunger. Fancy German chocolates are the reason one Israeli child is still alive after announcing for the 2391827439283rd time that he was “bored” and making the word bored sound like it had eight or more syllables. I know I can’t rely on the airline to serve me good food and even if they do I know they won’t necessarily package it in a way that I can open with my neuropathy hands so I always pack comfort food.
I still harbor some doubts that terrorists weren’t happy fliers who just happened to get stuck next to some of the children I have been stuck next to but I have figured out how to make flying more pleasant. It has been an ugly, sweaty, suffocating, freezing, uncomfortable and ridiculous process but I have finally found how to not tear my hair out on flights. I know what I look like bald and it’s worth a little extra work to prevent the tearing out of my hair, trust me.
Friday, April 22, 2011
10
every attempt at this week is rubbish
It is my opinion that all of my attempts belong in my recycle bin.
EDIT:
I’m sitting in the teacher’s room watching the marker circling “mistake” after “mistake.” I want to scream. Horrified doesn‘t begin to explain how I feel right now. “What was she even thinking?!” the teacher remarks as she finds another error and continues sweeping the marker in large circles around all of the offending material. I want to know what the teacher is thinking. She’s correcting the papers of five and six year old children. No child left behind? No paper left unmarked. Gone is any sense of accomplishment these children would have had in their papers. There is no reward for effort. You are either right or wrong. It’s disgusting. Inventive spelling is mocked, not praised. Verbs tenses that are used wrong receive rolls of eyes, with no consideration that the children are learning to apply some of the rules of the English language to their writing. It may not be correct but it’s obvious that they have learned something about their language and are trying it out.
Kindergarten in America is completely wrong for children. Five and six year olds should be learning from their play, not from worksheets. Assessing children so much is ridiculous. The absurdity of what children are expected to learn is just beyond words. Whoever made the decision about what we should be doing with children in kindergarten is obviously not acquainted with any children. They are children! Not miniature adults. If curriculum gets pushed down anymore every child I know will fail kindergarten. Never mind what the real childhood experts say - test them! Test them now!
When I was in kindergarten I went for half a day. Kindergarten was for getting used to school. It was an introduction to socializing and spending time away from Mommy. Now we’re teaching them geometry concepts. The have to write. They have to read. If they cannot accomplish these tasks to the satisfaction of their teacher then we think there is something wrong with them. Never mind how subjective the grading of some of these naz- I mean teachers is! Information is forced on them. Instead of children’s interest dictating the information we can teach it is something all planned out before anyone knows anything about the individual children. I understand that the world has changed and schools need to teach more to make up for what parents are no longer doing but it is ridiculous. Small children do not learn in the same way that older children do. The people who understand how and what children need to learn to best set the stage for learning later on are being ignored. On what planet does this make sense? You cannot dictate that they are going to learn in the way that you specify. And just because some idiot somewhere thinks a child should learn something doesn’t mean that they even can. They’re five years old! Why can we not accept that maybe they aren’t ready? Some children just aren’t ready for the things we push upon them. But instead of helping them developing the fine motor skills that they need to hold a pencil through different motor building activities like play dough and simple game we force them to write.
We’re creating children that are going to hate school. Reading and writing aren’t viewed as a fun way of expression and learning. They are becoming chores for them. Non-threatening and enjoyable experiences when they are young help them learn better when they are older. Just because we might be able to teach them these concepts at this age doesn’t mean that it is the best foundation for the rest of their lives. We pay so much attention to assessing and the end product that we lose track of the process. And we certainly lose track of the most important part of teaching: the students.
It is my opinion that all of my attempts belong in my recycle bin.
EDIT:
I’m sitting in the teacher’s room watching the marker circling “mistake” after “mistake.” I want to scream. Horrified doesn‘t begin to explain how I feel right now. “What was she even thinking?!” the teacher remarks as she finds another error and continues sweeping the marker in large circles around all of the offending material. I want to know what the teacher is thinking. She’s correcting the papers of five and six year old children. No child left behind? No paper left unmarked. Gone is any sense of accomplishment these children would have had in their papers. There is no reward for effort. You are either right or wrong. It’s disgusting. Inventive spelling is mocked, not praised. Verbs tenses that are used wrong receive rolls of eyes, with no consideration that the children are learning to apply some of the rules of the English language to their writing. It may not be correct but it’s obvious that they have learned something about their language and are trying it out.
Kindergarten in America is completely wrong for children. Five and six year olds should be learning from their play, not from worksheets. Assessing children so much is ridiculous. The absurdity of what children are expected to learn is just beyond words. Whoever made the decision about what we should be doing with children in kindergarten is obviously not acquainted with any children. They are children! Not miniature adults. If curriculum gets pushed down anymore every child I know will fail kindergarten. Never mind what the real childhood experts say - test them! Test them now!
When I was in kindergarten I went for half a day. Kindergarten was for getting used to school. It was an introduction to socializing and spending time away from Mommy. Now we’re teaching them geometry concepts. The have to write. They have to read. If they cannot accomplish these tasks to the satisfaction of their teacher then we think there is something wrong with them. Never mind how subjective the grading of some of these naz- I mean teachers is! Information is forced on them. Instead of children’s interest dictating the information we can teach it is something all planned out before anyone knows anything about the individual children. I understand that the world has changed and schools need to teach more to make up for what parents are no longer doing but it is ridiculous. Small children do not learn in the same way that older children do. The people who understand how and what children need to learn to best set the stage for learning later on are being ignored. On what planet does this make sense? You cannot dictate that they are going to learn in the way that you specify. And just because some idiot somewhere thinks a child should learn something doesn’t mean that they even can. They’re five years old! Why can we not accept that maybe they aren’t ready? Some children just aren’t ready for the things we push upon them. But instead of helping them developing the fine motor skills that they need to hold a pencil through different motor building activities like play dough and simple game we force them to write.
We’re creating children that are going to hate school. Reading and writing aren’t viewed as a fun way of expression and learning. They are becoming chores for them. Non-threatening and enjoyable experiences when they are young help them learn better when they are older. Just because we might be able to teach them these concepts at this age doesn’t mean that it is the best foundation for the rest of their lives. We pay so much attention to assessing and the end product that we lose track of the process. And we certainly lose track of the most important part of teaching: the students.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
9
The George Mitchell Scholarship changed my life. My trip to Ireland in the Spring of 2010 changed the way I view myself and the way I view the world. I not only got to explore a gorgeous country but I also met amazing people. These people changed the way I view friendship and even the way I see myself. Being in a different country pushed the limits of what I could do and pushed me toward things I had never thought of doing. Ireland was, in many ways, a renewal for me. I was feeling frustrated with my energy level, out of place due to having been gone from college on my medical leave, and in a relationship that was stagnating. Getting on that plane for my first ever flight to move to another country may have seemed crazy but I just can't imagine what life would be like if I hadn't taken that leap of faith.
The first amazing thing that happened in Ireland was meeting Breige. I had known Breige online for years but we weren't especially close. When I made plans to meet up with her so she could show me around town and help me find places to buy pillows, a fan, and a heating pad I had no idea the friendship that was waiting for me. I was feeling overwhelmed and sitting in Mc Donald's on the corner of Patrick Street with my usual chocolate milkshake when I met my future best friend. We spent the rest of that day shopping and spent as much time together as we could while I was in Ireland. For two people who had never talked much it was like we couldn't shut up. It felt like we had known each other our entire lives. We never had awkward moments and for the first time in my life I could say I had a true friend. Having just lost a lot of my friends during my fight against cancer it felt good to be close friends with someone again. But more than that, I feel like I finally have a friendship that will last. Ocean or not we still talk almost every single day. She is the reason I recently bought speech to text software. I have far too much to say to rely on neuropathy hands to communicate with Breige! But on the topic of communication, I don't think I could ever communicate to anyone what a gift our friendship has been. Breige restored my faith in friendship. She showed me that true friends may be hard to find but they are worth the wait and worth traveling anywhere to find.
Ireland helped me out of a relationship that hadn't gone anywhere and wasn't going to. I should have ended the relationship sooner but hadn't managed to. I've always hated breakups and kept putting it off. What should have been the straw that broke the camel's back didn't even push me over the edge. I guess in the back of my mind I knew as soon as I left the country it would be over. I remember saying goodbye to his cat and sobbing my heart out because I knew I wouldn't see her again. Corny as it sounds I suppose my heart knew what my mind hadn't realized yet. I was halfway over the Atlantic I realized that I could, and would, make the break. Knowing that I had won this once in a lifetime chance to study abroad and all that was ahead of me I realized how stupid it was for me to settle. Was he a horrible monster? No, but he also wasn't right for me. The breakup isn't the significant part of this story (although I do still miss that cat very much). Even though it is embarrassing to realize, it took being over the ocean and headed to another country to tip my self-esteem back where it should be. I've always been confident and gone after what I wanted but too much time wishing and wanting only to be healthy again had destroyed my image of myself. My confidence started rebuilding in economy class and kept growing in the months that followed.
I cannot talk about Ireland without talking about how it gave me an insane love for traveling. Each weekend I would hop on a bus and travel to a different part of the country. I explored the most amazing places. Each lovely little town was so rich with history. I also took a trip with my mother over to England and realized that ferry travel is not my thing. But London was so gorgeous and realizing that I could see all of these places I have read about and studied was incredible. The Tower of London took me breath away. I almost cried to be standing in the places that Anne Boleyn had stood. I love our country but the history in Europe is astonishing. I'm not sure how many small towns in Ireland I traveled to but there was always something worth seeing. Traveling around Ireland and England made me realize how much of the world there is to see and just how badly I want to see it. If I hadn't gone to Ireland I would have thought about going to Europe but I don't think I would have made the dreams a reality.
Thinking of all that Ireland gave me and continues to give me amazes me. I can barely scratch the surface of all the ways that going there changed my life. It was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. It was exhausting but it was worth every second. I don't know what my life would be right now if I hadn't won that scholarship. I knew going there was a once in a lifetime chance but I had no idea how many positive changes it would make in my life.
The first amazing thing that happened in Ireland was meeting Breige. I had known Breige online for years but we weren't especially close. When I made plans to meet up with her so she could show me around town and help me find places to buy pillows, a fan, and a heating pad I had no idea the friendship that was waiting for me. I was feeling overwhelmed and sitting in Mc Donald's on the corner of Patrick Street with my usual chocolate milkshake when I met my future best friend. We spent the rest of that day shopping and spent as much time together as we could while I was in Ireland. For two people who had never talked much it was like we couldn't shut up. It felt like we had known each other our entire lives. We never had awkward moments and for the first time in my life I could say I had a true friend. Having just lost a lot of my friends during my fight against cancer it felt good to be close friends with someone again. But more than that, I feel like I finally have a friendship that will last. Ocean or not we still talk almost every single day. She is the reason I recently bought speech to text software. I have far too much to say to rely on neuropathy hands to communicate with Breige! But on the topic of communication, I don't think I could ever communicate to anyone what a gift our friendship has been. Breige restored my faith in friendship. She showed me that true friends may be hard to find but they are worth the wait and worth traveling anywhere to find.
Ireland helped me out of a relationship that hadn't gone anywhere and wasn't going to. I should have ended the relationship sooner but hadn't managed to. I've always hated breakups and kept putting it off. What should have been the straw that broke the camel's back didn't even push me over the edge. I guess in the back of my mind I knew as soon as I left the country it would be over. I remember saying goodbye to his cat and sobbing my heart out because I knew I wouldn't see her again. Corny as it sounds I suppose my heart knew what my mind hadn't realized yet. I was halfway over the Atlantic I realized that I could, and would, make the break. Knowing that I had won this once in a lifetime chance to study abroad and all that was ahead of me I realized how stupid it was for me to settle. Was he a horrible monster? No, but he also wasn't right for me. The breakup isn't the significant part of this story (although I do still miss that cat very much). Even though it is embarrassing to realize, it took being over the ocean and headed to another country to tip my self-esteem back where it should be. I've always been confident and gone after what I wanted but too much time wishing and wanting only to be healthy again had destroyed my image of myself. My confidence started rebuilding in economy class and kept growing in the months that followed.
I cannot talk about Ireland without talking about how it gave me an insane love for traveling. Each weekend I would hop on a bus and travel to a different part of the country. I explored the most amazing places. Each lovely little town was so rich with history. I also took a trip with my mother over to England and realized that ferry travel is not my thing. But London was so gorgeous and realizing that I could see all of these places I have read about and studied was incredible. The Tower of London took me breath away. I almost cried to be standing in the places that Anne Boleyn had stood. I love our country but the history in Europe is astonishing. I'm not sure how many small towns in Ireland I traveled to but there was always something worth seeing. Traveling around Ireland and England made me realize how much of the world there is to see and just how badly I want to see it. If I hadn't gone to Ireland I would have thought about going to Europe but I don't think I would have made the dreams a reality.
Thinking of all that Ireland gave me and continues to give me amazes me. I can barely scratch the surface of all the ways that going there changed my life. It was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. It was exhausting but it was worth every second. I don't know what my life would be right now if I hadn't won that scholarship. I knew going there was a once in a lifetime chance but I had no idea how many positive changes it would make in my life.
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