I love learning. I have little interest in things that aren’t educational in some way.  My favorite thing to do is read. My goal is a minimum of 100 books a year. I even read textbooks for fun. If I’m watching TV you can bet it’s a documentary. I’m even studying to become a teacher myself. Learning and teaching are what make me tick. When thinking about my education several experiences come to mind.

I dropped out of public school when I was in 7th grade. The reason was simple. I was painfully bored. I was in an advanced reading class but all the teacher did was pop Disney movies into the VCR so he could browse websites about fishing. Which, since I’m discussing boredom, fishing websites also seem painfully boring but hey, that’s just me! Every single day I would raise my hand, walk to the front of the room, and excuse myself. I asked to leave reading class so I could go sit in the library and read whatever book I was in the middle of on that day. Yes, I left reading so that I could read. Go figure. That turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the quality of education in Bucksport middle school that year. In deciding to drop out of public school I learned so much. I learned that having a say in my curriculum was like Christmas. I did in-depth studies on historical people that interested me. I decided to do a Bible study because as a home schooled kid it was expected of me and religion had always interested me. I did the essential courses like math but I had so much more time to do things that I was passionate about. The gift of more time was a powerful learning tool.

Having the chance to study in Ireland was such a blessing. It was the people and the travel that made the memories so special but there are certain parts of the formal education that I’ll never forget. For example, the night I spent studying my Irish Law notes until I thought my eyes were going to bleed. I remember sitting on the cold floor of the apartment bathroom at 4am so I would have enough room and light to study all of the different papers I had accumulated that semester. I was in such a panic. What was I thinking to take that class? Legalese in my own country is hard enough - what possessed me to take what my Irish classmates considered their most difficult course? When the morning of the final exam came I discovered that the school had failed to provide me with a scribe. Four complex essays to write, neuropathy crippled hands, and no one to help. Even worse, I had been planning to walk over with the scribe to the building where the testing was held and now I had no idea where I was supposed to go. Eventually one of the college staff members walked by and asked why I was crying. The testing center was called and I was brought over. With a monkey-grip on my pen I only managed to complete two and a half essays. But with those 2.5 essays? I got the highest score in the class and a professor who said she will gladly give me a glowing reference if I want to go into law. I found out later that to do well they expect you to score around 40%. It’s a good thing someone told me or else I would have fainted when I saw my grades for my semester abroad.

I can’t talk about education without mentioning the wonderful children I help teach three days a week. I’m a helper in the kindergarten classroom and my time there is an absolute joy. It’s a crying shame that I’m doubtful about my ability to get a job in the field once I have my degree. Sadly teaching jobs are getting cut and within my town we’re going to undergo even more budget cuts in the school. The children’s passion for learning and their relentless curiosity energizes me. They are absolutely exhausting so it’s a good thing that something gives me energy! Whether they are making me laugh or want to cry, they remind me what is really important. In return, I teach them foundational things like math and reading. Each minute in a kindergarten classroom can contain frustration, love, humor, and something I can only describe as a type of magic that only children have. Just last week I listened to a 6 year old telling a 5 year old all about rainbows and the sun. And these were not Magic School Bus descriptions! These were descriptions that I challenge most EMCC students to rival. She can’t tie her shoes but wow does she have an amazing scientific mind! On the other side of the coin, yesterday I had to sit down with a student and explain that the toy fruit from the household dramatic play area need to stay outside of our clothing. I never thought I would have to address inappropriate usage of oranges and that, “Lookit my boobies!” wasn’t something we said in kindergarten. It’s fun and it’s always something new. Which is, of course, the best part of learning.

This May I will finally graduate from Eastern Maine Community College. It’s taken me far too many years to compete a two year degree but I console myself with reminders of how much else I have done in that time. I’m definitely ready to graduate and move on though. My first year at EMCC was a blast. I had friends my own age and the classes seemed to fly by. Every time I drive by the cheapest Chinese restaurant in town I think of my first year in college. We would all drive over after our 7pm classes got out and make the most of our money. I don’t think I ever left there without a stomachache from the combination of eating until I felt like I was going to burst and laughing too much. After my medical leave school became incredibly tiring for me. When I first came back everyone was very supportive but the more hair I grow, the more my teachers think I am back to normal. It’s impossible to explain that I will never be back to the level of energy I once was at. A lot of my classes seem like a giant blur. My memory immediately after chemotherapy was terrible but I insisted on going back because college meant so much to me. Lately it just means fatigue. I’m freaked out and I just want my diploma.

I’m sad that I’m at a point where education has become a drag. I desperately want my energy back so that learning can become fun again and not something that stresses me out so much. I think that getting my diploma may help because I will finally have something to show for my efforts. I’m also hoping that going to the University of Maine in the fall will be the change I need to refresh my attitude towards college. I’ve decided to branch out and hopefully get a degree that will be useful to me in charity work and I’m leaning toward majoring in Communications. At the very least I can say that I’m incredibly excited to minor in German. That is at least a step back in the right direction towards joy in my education.