8

The love of my life has Lyme disease. A Monday morning routine physical and booster shot vet visit for Snickers and his "cousin" Duke turned horrible. The vet tech told me without any fanfare and didn't seem overly concerned. She told me they were seeing a lot more of it this year. I went Crazy Mother on her and asked roughly eight thousand questions. Once I was pacified that it wasn't too serious and that the medication would take care of it I headed home. I was feeling rotten about my poor kiddo having any disease but feeling okay about his prognosis. Twice daily antibiotics - four for Duke and 2 for Snickers. I even managed to find a brilliant way to get pills into a pug and a yellow lab! [Leftover Velveeta shells make wonderful "pill pockets" and cost less than the Greenies treats that serve the same function.]

Wednesday morning I crawled out of bed and shuffled to the living room. The combination of sinus/ear/eye infections had left me exhausted even after a good night's sleep. Snickers was curled up on a blanket, sound asleep and I crawled in next to him and read and napped the afternoon away. It wasn't until around six when my mother got home that I realized there was a problem. A big problem. Snickers barked when he heard her car and started to get up. He immediately fell over. I thought he just had a foot caught in the blanket and didn't worry. Then when he tried to stand up again and fell over... I freaked out. Mum picked him up and set him on his feet. He collapsed again. By this point I was starting to cry and hyperventilate. Mum ran into the kitchen and got pepperoni. If pepperoni doesn't get his attention we could confirm a serious problem. He started dragging himself toward the kitchen with his front legs and his back legs were just dragging behind him. Words could never describe the cold fear that gripped me.

I dialed the emergency veterinary clinic but couldn't speak once the woman answered. I handed the phone to Mum and ran to pull on a pair of jeans. While Mum was getting directions I bundled my pugling up in his favorite blanket and tucked the toy his Dad just sent him in the blanket with him. He seemed out of it by this point but I wanted to give him whatever small comfort I could. The ride to the vet was awful. I put him on the seat next to me so I wouldn't be hurting his legs in any way. He looked so lost and confused I put my hand down for him to rest on. He fell into an uneasy sleep while tears ran down my face. I sang "You Are My Sunshine," I prayed, I kissed his sweet little face. Even when it was his crisis, his little body shaking with pain, my little man did what he has always done, he took care of his Mum. That fevery little pug tongue licked the tears off my face. This reminded me of all the time I had spent during my cancer treatment when it was just me and my pets and I had let myself cry. It never failed that Snick would lick my tears until it made me laugh. Thinking of this made me switch from prayer to pleading. "Please God, help my baby through this, I'm not me without my little dude. I couldn't take it if something happened to him. Please please please please please...."

Finally we were at the veterinary clinic. I bundled him in my arms and scurried in. Pretty sure I cut in front of another couple and their dog who were in line to buy food or something but at that moment nothing in the world existed but Snickers. I was a desperate woman with a hurting pug. They rushed him into an exam room. Bless his little heart, he was so brave. I filled out the paperwork on him while my heart pounded in my ears. I'm really not even sure what I wrote down. 99% of my attention was focused on Snick and keeping him from being too scared. The vet came in and checked him all over. Then my poor little man had to be put on the floor so she could see his legs. She held him up and checked to see which legs he would try to take pressure off of. By this point he wasn't putting any weight on his left front leg either. The vet was puzzled and I felt like throwing up. I was sweating buckets from the stress and I felt like there wasn't any air in the room. She concluded that it was most likely a delayed onset of the Lyme disease symptoms although she had never seen an animal start showing symptoms after they started the medication. Three shots and another prescription later we were sent home with instructions to call if the pain medicine didn't calm his trembling body.

I held him in my arms like a baby all the way home and when we got home I settled him on my lap. I scarfed my supper down and then held a container of wet cat food for him to nibble on. Thankfully he was interested in food again and he finished it. I ended up just listening to the movie that we had put on in an effort to distract me. I couldn't take my eyes off the sleeping bundle on my lap and in my arms. I kept checking his belly and feet to see how hot they were. He had stopped trembling but I was still afraid of the other, far scarier aspects of lyme disease. Kidney or heart failure? I get goosebumps even thinking about it.

Somewhere between holding him up on a "pee pad" so he wouldn't have to go outside on the slippery deck and sitting in the rocking chair nervously watching him all night... I realized something. I can handle crisis situations. After I was diagnosed with cancer I asked my Mum if she needed me to drive home. But something happening to my baby man? I can't handle it. I am reduced to hysterical sobs, ulcer pain, and panic beyond belief. Only now, with him next to me and his sleeping face on the edge of the laptop, can I start to relax. I have a lab against my left leg and a pug against my right. I'm pretty sure it's a million degrees in here and being in the middle of a dog sandwich is a bit warm but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.